I’ve been trying to piece together a fall wardrobe over the last few weeks since all of my clothes from last fall/winter are maternity clothes and don’t really fit and all of my clothes from the fall/winter before that are for skinny people and don’t really fit. Shopping for clothes has always been a sort of traumatic experience for me, which is why for years I knew the stock sizes and styles that would fit me at all my favorite stores and did all my shopping online. Alas, having a baby has changed my body completely and fashion has gone the same way, so I’m actually having to venture into stores in person. *shudder*
Can we talk, for a minute, about this?
Why? Why why why why why why WHY?!
I haven’t worn hot pink trousers since I was 7 years old, and I’m not really sure why now, all of a sudden, the pants section of every store I go into looks like a box of crayons. I don’t know how I would have felt about this 3 or 4 years ago, at the height of my skinniness and fashion forwardness. But why does this have to be the style now? When my post-partum saddlebags look ridiculous enough already in skinny jeans (which seems to be all you can find)? I’m positively clownish in neon colored skinny jeans.
Also? Also? Can we talk about this?
I don’t know if you can tell from this picture, but the hem in the back is substantially longer than the hem in the front. This shirt has a mullet. And the front hem barely covers the top of my jeans. It’s like I’ve time warped back to 1997, and everyone wants to show off their belly button ring again. I’ve had a baby. There is a large, floppy, stretched out sack of skin where a cute flat tummy used to be. Unless my jeans come up to my belly button (which, yes, I’ve had to resort to), shirts like this? CAN. NOT. HAPPEN.
Is this for real, y’all? I am a grown woman with a body that has done–and continues to do–amazing things. I feel like I deserve at least some corner of the fashion world that acknowledges the fact that grown women with grown-up bodies exist. I can’t do hot pink skinny jeans and shapeless mullet shirts that make my belly rolls and thighs the center of attention.
I honestly didn’t think my body was that bad until I realized that there is absolutely nothing now that is fashionable that doesn’t make me look silly, sloppy and overweight. The thing is, I’m pretty sure my body isn’t that bad. It’s just that the fashions I have relied on in the past to mask the unflattering parts of my body have all disappeared in a poof of ’90s revival smoke.
I guess now I have to start venturing into the parts of the stores with all the clothes my grandmother wears. Are these my alternatives? Octogenarian wear or dayglo pants?
In other news, I started seeing a personal trainer again last week…